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About You….

A fellow blogger wrote of having trouble telling us about himself. I have to agree with him that it’s incredibly difficult to explain yourself to the world in a way that feels real. 

Whenever I try to write a resume, in all its schizophrenic pinball glory, I feel like I’m lying. Whatever I try to be on the outside feels like utter BS to my insides. All the world’s a stage, right? We’re just actors making total jackasses of ourselves and we know it. Eventually the universe tells us so and pulls our masks off, forcing us to face the world as we really are.  

The frightening thing about writing things down is the expectation that someone might read it and our true selves will be revealed, so we edit ourselves. The same is true of the blog world only it’s WAY more public, at least in theory, so for me to tell you who I think I am would probably result in fits of laughter in the people from whom I can least accept it.  So I censor what I say. 

The other statement my blogger buddy made was that this is really about YOU. It’s about what I see in others and how it changes me. I will, in fact, be writing more about people who change me, inspire me, however unexpectedly. See if you find yourself between the lines…. 

One thing I can say about myself with relative certainty is that I am a CURMUDGEON, otherwise known as a bad-tempered or surly person. Far too many people in my life know me to be this way. The irony about me and others like me is that this surliness often masks a crushingly tender heart and soul. In thinking about this, I have visions of some of nature’s most precious creations — the rose bush protected by jabbing thorns, the raspberry bramble encrusted with little stickers, the reef of coral, so beautiful to look at but if you touch it you’ll be torn to shreds. I’ve always wondered why this is, but the meaning for me is metaphorical. The temptation to reach in and grab violently the fruits of these vines is overwhelming for some and the only recourse the plant has is its sharp defense system. So I am perhaps not as surly as I am intensely self-protective. 

A client of mine who is an avid rose grower has two of the most gorgeous rose bushes planted at her front gate. From time to time, they get out of hand and create a horticultural security system that requires me to negotiate the entry carefully. The roses that grow there are the most incredible swirl of apricot, yellow, and pink, sort of like a rainbow sherbet. Their cinnamon scent always brings me to a state of awe when I”m near them. But if I get carried away and do much more than appreciate them at a safe distance, I risk a little jab or two. Regardless of the pain, the beauty within the thorns will always bring me back to appreciate the roses again.  

I hope this is how the people in my life will understand me to be. And I’ll do my best to keep my thorny branches trimmed…..   

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