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Sleeping with Dobermen

It’s not what you think, really it’s not, even though I have made subtle references to wanting to marry my dog before…

Well, let’s just go there, what the heck! Since the traditional marriage proponents insist that this will be the next step if other types of marriage are approved, I guess we should start thinking about the ramifications. (I’m starting to regain my sense of humor after the passage of Amendment 2. I promise I won’t talk about it after this…. hee hee! My fingers are crossed behind my back :D)

Let’s say that I COULD marry my dog. This presents a whole new set of complications for my current occupation: Overnight pet sitting.

My job is to stay overnight with people’s dog(s) when they go away. It’s not a big deal now because I am not yet married to Wacky Jacky the Weisenheimer Weimaraner. Technically, I guess we’re just engaged at this point while we wait on the legal battles to ratify human-pet marriages.

Last night, I shared a king-size bed with not just one dog, but two… two very large Doberman dogs. Diesel, the male, spread himself across 3/4 of the bed, while Riley, the 8 month old puppy, claimed the spot between my legs. She couldn’t have gotten closer to me if I’d given birth to her.

Recently, I slept with two rat terriers. The male likes to snuggle up on the pillow next to my head. When I told the owner that I had woken up to find his…. She said “OH! Did he stick his little p_n_s in your ear???? He does that to me all the time!”…. Yeah, thanks for the warning. I am SO wearing a hat next time.

If I were to marry my dog, would this be considered adultery?

We’ve talked about it, Jacky and I. Would I need to give up my job once we’re married, or is he evolved enough to know that my sleeping with these other dogs means nothing? I know he tries not to care, but whenever I get home from pet sitting, he gives me the once over with his nose. I can see in his eyes that it hurts him a little.

Maybe it would be better if we stayed single. We have to consider that along with the privilege of marriage comes the possibility of divorce. Do we really want to get all of our affairs tangled up? Even though he’s only two, the likelihood is that I’ll outlive him, so will it really matter if he can’t inherit my pension or social security?

I really love my guy, and maybe that’s enough. He knows I would never deliberately cheat on him with another dog and that our bed is sacred. If anyone is going to stick his little p_n_s in my ear for real, it will only be him.

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Categories: Life, Pets
  1. Deb Roland
    November 20, 2008 at 3:45 pm

    Got a chuckle out of that one. I needed a laugh. Things here with work have not been going so well lately! Thanks. Hope you are doing well.

  2. Frank R. Zilinyi
    November 20, 2008 at 6:07 pm

    I can’t even tell you just how much I love you! Miss you sumthin terrible! I’ll be driving to florida X-mas/New year’s time. I’d love it if Ms. Jessica and I could stop by for a little spell! P.S. Found Robyn’s office, but alas, no answer at the door. Sent her and email and hope to hear back from her.

  3. Kathi Allen
    November 20, 2008 at 7:23 pm

    Talk about riveting questions! Then there’s the whole thing on who takes whose name… would it be Elley-Wacky Jacky or would it be Wacky Jacky-Fenner

  4. cyndi
    November 20, 2008 at 8:50 pm

    wonderfully written and hilarious ellen! you should be a comedy writer, for real. i love dogs too [not THAT way] but don’t have one…maybe one day! in the meantime have to make do with lusting after other people’s dogs 🙂

  5. November 21, 2008 at 1:19 am

    I couldn’t marry my dog because we can’t sleep together. He growls at me if I move my feet while they’re touching him. Also, I don’t think he’d be good at making medical decisions for me if I couldn’t. He’d just lick my face and nibble on my toes until I came around. We’ll just continue to live together.

  6. Michell Kelley
    November 21, 2008 at 8:31 pm

    I can relate big time! Before we had children Kevin and I used to sleep with a Doberman, Mercedes (his special “girlfriend”). I called her his girlfriend because whenever he came home she’d throw her paws around his next and made out with him. Also, he always admired her sexy, muscular legs. She was just about the best dog we’ve ever had. Since the kids and all we don’t have dogs sleeping with us anymore. Beezie sleeps in her crate (she loves it and so do we). Thanks for sharing your story. Keep em coming!

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