Home > Good Stuff, Life > How Ellen Got Her Groove Back…

How Ellen Got Her Groove Back…

goodstuff1It has been requested by some of my regular readers that I knock off the whiny crap and start writing some good, old-fashioned FLUFFY STUFF! I shall oblige them with the following:

There’s nothing greater you can do to help repair a damaged self-image than take a trip to WALMART!

Maybe it was the 60-something couple (they were probably actually only in their 30s) that I followed into the store who started the corners of my mouth curling up. He, otherwise nondescript, was her height — somewhere in the 5 to 5-and-a-half foot range — and the two of them wobbled like Weebles, occasionally knocking into each other. She, in her stretchy taupe-colored pants (I’m not sure that was their originally intended shade) wore her black-dyed hair clear down her back, frizzy and dried out from a perm (who even GETS perms anymore??). The walk across the parking lot wore them out. They had to stop at a bench to rest and have a generic cigarette.

Or maybe it was the woman of questionable sexual orientation who strutted around the store, bow-legged from years of riding a motorcycle, sporting an absolutely intentional mullet all gelled-up in the right places (not that I would know from personal experience or anything…). Her stride was so long she lapped me 3 times around the store. Hmmm…. maybe “lap” is not the appropriate word in this instance.

Or, it could have been the elderly cashier who managed to send me off with 8 bags for 15 items. I’m sure my Bounce sheets wouldn’t have minded being snugged up with the Noxzema facial scrub or the printer cartridges, but I left it to her discretion, comforting myself by mentally adding to my supply of dog poop-picking-up bags. Somehow, using a Walmart bag for that task gives me a sense of vindication.

Whatever it was, I left the store whistling “Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer” — yes, they have the Christmas decorations out already, or is that, still? — and feeling strangely better about the world. Perspective is a great thing and can surely be found at your friendly neighborhood WALMART!

Categories: Good Stuff, Life
  1. July 24, 2009 at 9:19 pm

    Instant esteem booster. I like to go right before job interviews! 🙂

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