Home > Life, Pets, Would I Lie? > Thanks, Wacky J, for fixing my bra…

Thanks, Wacky J, for fixing my bra…

lie1It used to be that Wacky Jacky the Weisenheimer Weimaraner was a malicious masticator of material, a deliberate destroyer of denim, and a FEROCIOUS FRAGMENTER OF ALL THINGS FABRIC!!!

But the days of excreting bloody diarrhea and old sweatpants are over. My mother’s three pair of originally NOT-crotchless Victoria’s Secret underwear have been replaced (TMI, you say? A nearly 80-year-old woman wearing VS skivvies? That’s my mom, ever the sexy California sun goddess. Actually, I think one of my sisters gave them to her as a present…), and the laundry hampers no longer require security cameras.

WackyJUnlike my sweet mom, when it comes to underclothing I am a colossal cheapskate. I am not an investor in the best, therefore nothing ever fits very well and I’d just as soon take it off at first opportunity (OMG, I just figured out why all lingerie is uncomfortable — you’re supposed to want to take it off!!!).

Neither am I picky about the condition of said torturous foundation garments. If it’s not falling off or riding up, it’s going on! (The ambulance driver will just have to get over it) So, as I picked up my bra the other day, I noticed a chunk of material missing from the very center support section. I know, I know — support is not exactly the necessary word in my case — but there was a perfect crescent shape missing. I was surprised to think that my big gray guy had fallen off the wagon.

But as I put on the compromised bodice, lo & behold, it fit better than before! No more squeezing me around the mid-ribcage, leaving a red mark at the end of the day, no more errant flesh bulging from overly-filled sections…  I was LIBERATED!!

It took him a lot of practice and some serious digestive distress to get there, but I can now say that my sweet boy dog has achieved official seamstress status and may well have revolutionized the undergarment industry in a single bite!

Don’t anybody steal this idea — OR my dog!!!

(and no, he doesn’t lay golden eggs)

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Categories: Life, Pets, Would I Lie?
  1. Mel G
    August 3, 2009 at 6:16 pm

    Hahahahahahaha… are you renting him out? I have a couple of constrictive undergarments that I wouldn’t mind getting nibbled.

  2. August 3, 2009 at 6:26 pm

    I’m trying to figure out if he can “alter” my other bras in exactly the same way. If he can, he’s a goldmine!

  3. Kelli
    August 3, 2009 at 7:18 pm

    Too funny! Great picture of the Wacky boy!

  4. August 13, 2009 at 2:06 am

    It’s Ellen’s Secret Wonder Weimaraner bra! You’re going to be rich!

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