I Amaze Myself….

maybeI’ve blasted past my latest funk and am starting to see the colors of the world around me again. In the midst of depression, my brain can only interpret the monochromatic, yet as surely as the sun always comes out again after a stormy day, everything looks all the more vibrant as the fog clears…

freeland1This is the best time for me to go to my website and look at the paintings I’ve done through the eyes of someone other than my critical self and I find them incredible — not because they’re particularly artistically high-brow, but because I DID THEM!

This is a necessary process I go through to remind myself that it is only through grace that I even have the ability — not to mention the GUTS — to do this. I am not a trained artist, have not had more than 2 or 3 art “lessons” in my life, yet when I pick up a paint brush and slap it on a wall, magic happens. Nothing short of miraculous…

Thoman_28I never know when the opportunity to paint will come again but when it does I will say, “Sure, of course I can do it,” all the while knowing that I am completely unsure. I will writhe and cry and scream at God, “Why did you let me say YES??”

But I will show up with my paints and brushes, having turned it all over to a power I don’t quite understand and say, “Sure, of course I can do it.” And I will….

  1. Maria Johannesen
    August 5, 2009 at 3:26 am


    You have a beautiful gift. I find much similarity in your story as with my own life. I have never taken a writing class; yet, when I pick up a pen my poetry just flows. Thank you for sharing this personal journey with me.

  2. August 5, 2009 at 3:38 am

    I’m glad to find a spirit of kindredness out there, Maria… The process of creativity is not a smooth or easy one, yet it seems more necessary than breathing sometimes. If only it were as involuntary…

  3. Cathy Powers
    August 5, 2009 at 12:10 pm

    You have a rare gift, Ellen–as well as the gift of insight!! I wish more of us had a gift that just flowed through us as yours does…I guess I am still searching for it. Keep up the amazing work…

  4. Frank
    August 5, 2009 at 12:20 pm

    Finding the light broken up by a prism at the other end of a funk, is sort of like spelunking. Spend your time in the cave, then crawl out and find other fun stuff to do. In the words of that great philosopher Yoda “Do or do not, there is no try.” You’re in the rainbow, quick grab a brush……

  5. Mel
    August 5, 2009 at 12:59 pm

    And you DO… I really agree that you have a gift. The work you do is just amazing and you should never discount the gift, regardless of where it comes from.

  6. Mama Nance
    August 5, 2009 at 1:23 pm

    You ROCK with a brush !!!!!!

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