Home > Good Stuff, Life > Rest


I always feel vaguely guilty when I hear the stories other women tell of their chaotic lives.

Mine is not like that.

In fact, because I have no children, my days often suffer from a lack of chaos, so as a woman I must create my own. I really do think it’s a female thing, this need for emotional agitation, and though I’ve often railed against being considered a woman, I acknowledge that my hormones know otherwise.

They mock me.

They pop out like Jacks-in-the-Box and scare the people around me sometimes. I can see it on their faces.

But I love these little monsters. They’re mine, and when they speak to me and through me, I am at their mercy. I am frequently sent to the corner for a time out when I let them get the best of me. I am humbled by them.

It’s taken more than 30 years to develop a healthy relationship with my demon hormones, and now, just as I’m getting comfortable that relationship is about to change. Isn’t that just how these bitches operate?? I swear….

But it’s an extraordinary relationship nevertheless. I feel like I’ve had the best of both sides of the coin; a physicality that has let me participate in more masculine pursuits along with the gentleness of a mama bear with her cub. I feel complete in my composition.

On those nights when I sleep well, when I haven’t aggravated the demons to the point that they nag me into racing consciousness all night, I hear the gentle words, the creative thoughts they share when they’re not angry. Their gentle cooing eases me into dream-filled sleep.

In gratitude I assure them that there is no reason to panic. Their legacy will live on, if not through physical manifestation, at least in the form of ironic laughter at the torment they once inspired that defined the essence of who I became.

Today I am grateful for ALL that I am…

Categories: Good Stuff, Life
  1. November 22, 2009 at 6:31 pm

    I’ve got plenty of chaos to spare, so let me know if you’re running low and I’ll mail ya some.

  1. No trackbacks yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: