Home > Life, Really? > My Children….

My Children….

I don’t have any kids….

Well, that’s not entirely true. They just don’t live on the outside of me like other people’s do.

Maybe that’s why people bear children at all — so that they can see those parts of themselves in the flesh rather than just in their imaginations. But those of us who don’t have actual physical children are no more lacking in offspring. They’re just not as visible to the naked eye.

My favorite kid is my 3-year-old. I know we’re not supposed to pick favorites but I can’t help myself. That’s her there in the corner. She’s truly the best part of me. She laughs, she’s coy, she’s charming. She’s the part of me that used to inspire my dad to say, “You were such a cute little kid. What happened?” She’s unashamed of her emotions and hasn’t yet learned what to be ashamed of. She just LIVES!!!

My other “kids” are jaded. They’re sarcastic, sardonic, witty, explosive. They can be a lot of fun too, but I find myself counting the days until they GROW THE HELL UP AND MOVE OUT!! They’re the ones I see in other people who piss me off. Sometimes they make me wish I could just shove them back into my mental womb and start over again.

But my 3-year-old forgives them all. She knows what it is to be happy even when the world around her is blowing apart. She knows how to ignore it all and pay attention to only what matters — the love and nurturing of all who surround her.

I go to her when I need redemption, when I just can’t deal with my snotty 13-year-old or my young adult know-it-all 21-year-old. She’s always up for a game of pattacake when I need to come back down to my most base self. She high-fives me in the mirror when I’m on the verge of tears with frustration at my inability to parent myself sometimes.

She’s my hero, my little 3-year-old. She’s the one I’d be again if I had the choice.

Categories: Life, Really?
  1. January 16, 2010 at 3:47 am

    love the fresh look to your blog Ellen! I love this post…

  2. Cheryl
    January 20, 2010 at 2:39 am

    It’s funny, so far, Cassie and I were most at odds the year she was three. And I must say that I liked your 13-year old!

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