Moses as Metaphor

I almost wrote “Moses as Matador” by accident but then the mental image of Moses in those tight little pants and funny hat made me chuckle and realize my mistake.

Isn’t that just the way we think about these things sometimes? I still picture Charlton Heston as Moses with that ridiculous mane in “The Ten Commandments” after God had spoken to him. I’ve heard of people’s hair turning white over night, but c’mon…

I lay for a moment this morning with my eyes closed, anticipating the familiar weight of my recent anxiety. For months I have felt the surging heaviness in my chest that precedes my winter depression and had begun to hunker down for this annual period of soul hibernation. Usually, I futilely try to self-medicate to get through this time but it only brings greater despair. I’ve had enough of fighting it this way and am trying healthier means of escape.

As I waited for the crush of daylight that announces another day of spiritual combat, a vision began to emerge of thousands of people trapped at the shore of the Red Sea (my heart) desperate to escape as their tormentors drew closer. They grew agitated as more and more of them got backed up and just when all seemed lost, an image from “Dr. G., Medical Examiner” popped into my head, of a human heart being split apart and I felt all the blood in my body gush though mine like ocean waves parting to let my life force flow again.

Moses was in my chest with his little red flag and silly hat and flowing gray beard! Ole’!

And then, as if it knew exactly how much to let through, my heart returned to normal, its tide ebbing and flowing as though nothing strange had happened. When the tormentors arrived at the shore, they were forced to turn back.

Moses, the metaphor, is this euphoric moment when I am set free to explore my promised land. Moses, the matador, is the frustrated part of me that gets to the other side and realizes this freedom is pointless if all my life force wants to do is wander around and complain until everything gets backed up again.

So maybe what I really need is for Moses the nomad to GET mad and stop letting the aimless flock keep dragging him back to that same place of panic.

Or maybe Moses the metaphor just needs to learn to enjoy the sand between his toes and the crashing of life’s waves….

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